As I sit here typing this I know I cannot publish it yet. I am trying to bring all my emotions into check. I went in this morning to get my regularly scheduled stent exchange which I have every three months for the rest of my life.
I go in and it starts like any other early morning stent exchange I've had. I go in and present my insurance information and shortly after I am called back to get changed into my hospital gown. They ask the obligatory "when was your last menstrul cycle" question and I, while laughing, reply that I am in menopause. I haven't had a period since June 2014 so I tell her that and then go along with getting changed into my ever stylish surgery gown and slip resistant socks.
Everything goes as planned to begin with, I give the urine sample and get my warmed blankets and get setup in the pre-surgery area. As it nears my surgery time they access my port and I meet the antestiologist. When it gets close to my surgery time they ask my mother in law to leave and head to the waiting room assuring her that they will be out to speak with her after the procedure. This is all normal operating procedure.
When the nurse returns I realize that this is not going to be a normal day. She sits down next to me and says there is a problem with my urine. Now, when she said this I expected a few different things. My first thought was another UTI, then I thought maybe the MRSA had shown back up in my urine. What I never expected was what came out of her mouth next. She said that my pregnancy test was positive. I assured her, she must be wrong.
Let's take a step back. In 2012 I had the trachelectomy which would preserve fertility but would certainly make it more difficult to become pregnant. In 2014 when I was diagnosed with the reoccurrence we conceded that the treatment that I needed to save my life was going to take away any options of conceiving future children. We came to terms with that last May and started the course of treatment. I went through the six rounds of carbo/taxol/avastin and began having symptoms of menopause early on in treatment. By the end of summer I was started on a hormone replacement medication to minimize the hot flashes and night sweats. Later in 2014 I started my course of pelvic radiation and cistplatin chemotherapy.
When you factor all of these things in it is NOT possible for me to be pregnant. So, my urologist calls the oncologist who simply says "oh shit". They opt to post-pone the surgery so that I can get this sorted out. So I find myself in a stressful situation. It is Friday, the day that my oncology nurse isn't in the office. I call my radiation oncologist next, he is on vacation. After I stress about the situation some more I decide to turn to the internet and do some research. I should know better, it really isn't a good idea. I find a few things which could be causing this false positive and none of them are good.
So, I decided to call the oncologist and speak with another nurse. She quickly gets the background story and goes to speak with my oncologist. They get my setup so that I can go and have blood drawn so they can test my specific HCG levels and try to determine what exactly is going on. This test takes 24-48 hours to give results so I am here, in a holding pattern.
It feels like my life is always in some sort of holding pattern that I cannot escape. I finally had news that I was in remission, for the second time, and now I am having this. Whatever this is.
As I come out of shock I just move into the holding pattern. All I can do is wait.