When you want chemo but can't get it...

Do you see anything wrong with this picture?  No, not the fabulous uterus that is in the picture.  The pump is not turned on!  I didn't get my chemo and I am so irritated about it!

One thing that a non-cancer patient might not understand happened to me today.  Today should have been my 5th round of chemo (this time around) and I wasn't able to get my chemo.  I wasn't able to get my chemo because my counts were too low.  My counts were too low because I get chemo.  It is like a never ending cycle here.  Some people might think "oh, no chemo that is good it means you will feel better."  However, that isn't the reality.  What I think when I hear I can't have chemo because my counts are too low is now what is happening with the cancer?

So, what is happening with the cancer?  Is the cancer growing while I am in a delay for treatment?  This is something that I worry about on a daily basis, however, this will be in the forefront of my brain until I get back into get my chemo.  Unfortunately we can't just try again tomorrow.  That would be an option normally, however, insurance makes it so that is not possible.  My company is changing insurance policies and the new policy starts, you guessed it, tomorrow.  They don't automatically approve chemo and we have to wait for approval before we can move forward.  So I am playing the waiting game now and hoping that I can get chemo next Wednesday.

How did you feel if you had to delay a treatment?  Were you upset and scared like I am or were you relieved that you did not have go to through a day of treatment and the normal side effects?