I don't have all the answers. I have an unknown future. I am tired of this cancer. I met with my radiation oncologist a few weeks ago, I expected to walk in and develop a plan. I thought he would say we could radiate the spot in my neck and the spot in my upper chest. I was ready for the discussion as to if the other two spots in my abdomen were too close to the previous radiation zone or not. What I was not prepared for is what happened. When I met with my radiation oncologist I heard a different plan. In his plan he wanted to wait a few months and see if the cancer grew anywhere else. He told me that if we waited and it didn't grow, we would discuss radiation. If we waited and it grew elsewhere then we would know radiation was not the right call. He told me things I knew, such as if we radiate the area now we can't radiate it in the future. He told me that if he radiates it and shrinks the spots I might not be eligible for a clinical trial if we find one. He told me things I know and understand, but that doesn't make what he said any easier.
He wanted us to wait and see. I still can't wrap my head around the idea of wait and see. My cancer has proven, time and time again, that it isn't slowing down. It is growing, spreading, and progressing. It grew in spite of my year of Avastin. Some spots grew a small amount even during heavy chemo, two new spots even developed during the heavy chemo. Wait and see wasn't an answer I was ready for.
After talking with my gynecologic oncologist we came to an agreement that we needed to give my body a rest from the chemo but that rest would not be as long as the radiation oncologist had suggested. We agreed on one month. During that month we are looking for clinical trials and completing genome testing. We are trying to gather all of the information needed to continue extending my life. Everyone agreed my body needed time to recuperate from the heavy chemo before I could start another treatment regimen. It has taken me some time but I now understand the decision. My next scan is coming up at the end of the month. Best case scenario, we only see four spots of cancer. Only four spots.
He wanted us to wait and see. I still can't wrap my head around the idea of wait and see. My cancer has proven, time and time again, that it isn't slowing down. It is growing, spreading, and progressing. It grew in spite of my year of Avastin. Some spots grew a small amount even during heavy chemo, two new spots even developed during the heavy chemo. Wait and see wasn't an answer I was ready for.
After talking with my gynecologic oncologist we came to an agreement that we needed to give my body a rest from the chemo but that rest would not be as long as the radiation oncologist had suggested. We agreed on one month. During that month we are looking for clinical trials and completing genome testing. We are trying to gather all of the information needed to continue extending my life. Everyone agreed my body needed time to recuperate from the heavy chemo before I could start another treatment regimen. It has taken me some time but I now understand the decision. My next scan is coming up at the end of the month. Best case scenario, we only see four spots of cancer. Only four spots.
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