Two Years Ago Today

Two years ago today I was in remission.  In my memories today popped up the picture shown here.  I was heading in for a PET scan, a regularly scheduled PET scan.  I was nervous but I had just received three months earlier the news that I was cancer free.  I was nervous but I also thought there is no way the cancer is back so soon, I shouldn't be worrying.  

I read through my hashtags that are on this picture.  One stands out to me #CancerSurvivorProblems. I have a problem with calling my self a cancer survivor.  I really struggle with the word, in spite of what everyone else expresses to me.  I claim Cervivor, I claim thriver, I claim continuous cancer; claiming survivor is hard for me.

This PET scan is the one that revealed I had cancer for the third time.  This time there wouldn't be an "easy" solution, or any solution.  This time we would transition to keeping the cancer at bay the best we could.  This time, I would start living my life more intentionally.  

Today I look back and I can say again #CancerSurvivorProblems but I don't look at it from the same view point.  I look at it and realize I need to remember to live my life to its fullest. I look at it as someone who just had a scan that had more spots of cancer on it than any normal person would find acceptable.  However, that is my life and the path I have. Oh, and the last hashtag still stands too:  #cancersucks

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