I remember being thrilled to hear that I was a candidate for the trachelectomy. In October 2012 my son was three years old, I had already been reunited with JR, now my husband. He had said I love you for the first time earlier in the month. I had allowed myself to look forward to a future. When I was diagnosed with cervical cancer in October 2012 that changed the type of future I could look toward. With the "normal" treatment for my original stage of cancer being a hysterectomy that changed the future I had to expect. When my oncologist determined that I could have this procedure and preserve fertility I was hopeful and ready to complete the procedure.
When I look back at this post from four years ago it reminds me that this isn't the life I was suppose to have. This life that I am living, with persistent recurrent metastatic cervical cancer, is not the life I was looking forward to. When I made this post I can imagine what was in my mind. I was thinking, lets do this treatment and put cancer in the past. Lets move forward to a time when we can be married and a time I could give birth to a younger sibling for my son Wylee. Lets move on.
That picturesque life is not the life I have. According to research the data indicates that the overall recurrence rate following a trachelectomy is less than 5%. Less than 5%. I am in that 5% and I am now living my life with cancer. I am married to JR, however that wedding was touched by my first recurrence and looking at the pictures you can see that our wedding day was completed with a tube coming out of my back and no hair. I lost my fertility with treatments for my recurrences. Now I move on, living with a cancer that isn't going away. Living. Today I will take some time to grieve the loss of the life I was "suppose to have" because it is okay to take some time to mourn that loss. However, I will move on. I will move on and advocate in hopes someone else doesn't have to go through what I have gone through. I will advocate for those who are going through a cancer diagnosis so they know which resources are available to them. I will live my life.
I have a beautiful and amazing family who loves me and supports me. I have great friends and extended family who support me. I even have amazing organizations who I am incredibly thankful to be a part of. Although it is not what I expected, I love the life I have and I plan to continue living it to its fullest. I challenge each of you to live the same.