Today I opened up my timehop app like I do every day. I always feel nostalgic looking back at the last several years of my life. Sometimes what I see makes me happy and sometimes what I see makes me laugh out loud. Rarely does what I see make me feel negatively. Today's timehop made me feel all sorts of negative feelings. You see, today would have been my "cancerversary." Today would have been a day of celebration and shouting for joy. Three years ago today my first gynecologic oncologist called to tell me I was cancer free and needed no further treatments. He told me I would have a standard follow up schedule of every three months for a year then progressively less appointments until I was released to a regular OB-GYN. He told me, that although it would be challenging, I could have another child.
If you have been following my story you know, today is not the joyous event a cancerversary should be. Today has turned into a day of reflection for me. Just three years ago seems like a lifetime. Since this date I have had cancer attack my body again, with not only one but two separate recurrences. I continue to fight cancer the only way I know how, by living my life.
One thing I felt when I saw this on my timehop was cheated. I had read up on the statistics about the trachlectomy before I opted for that to be my course of treatment. I learned that according to the medical studies completed the five year recurrence rate for women with this treatment was 2-5%. This treatment was suppose to be curative. Only 2-5 women out of every 100 treated had a recurrence. That wasn't suppose to be me. I was suppose to be cancer free. I was suppose to have my cancerversary! Well, I guess someone has to be the statistic and that is me.
Another thing I felt was lied to. Not only did the cancer return but it took my fertility with me. No longer could I have the promise of birthing another child. No longer would I be able to give my son that younger brother and sister he so desperately wanted. No longer could I give my husband a biological child. No longer could I do what I, according to the trachelectomy data, should have been statistically able to do.
Speaking of statistics, I continued my research into the statistics tonight. As I read through the statistics I almost wished I hadn't started researching. The prognosis for recurrent cervical cancer is not good. The prognosis for distant cervical cancer recurrence is even worse (such as the para aortic lymph node and abdominal lymph nodes I've had to have treated). The fact is, statistically this cancer will kill me.
Does this mean I give up? Stay in bed all day? Quit living my life? No! This means I need to find every day things to celebrate. I might not have a cancerversary to celebrate but I have my daily life to celebrate! I have my life to live. I can celebrate that I was able to get up a wife and mother today. I woke up, went to a job that I love, stayed after school to coach my robotics teams, and then went to dinner with my family and some of my best friends. I beat the odds when I had my recurrence (considering statistically I shouldn't have even had a recurrence). I think it is time to beat the odds on a positive note. It is time to beat this cancer, even if the statistics aren't on my side.
Here I am living life, join me!
If you have been following my story you know, today is not the joyous event a cancerversary should be. Today has turned into a day of reflection for me. Just three years ago seems like a lifetime. Since this date I have had cancer attack my body again, with not only one but two separate recurrences. I continue to fight cancer the only way I know how, by living my life.
One thing I felt when I saw this on my timehop was cheated. I had read up on the statistics about the trachlectomy before I opted for that to be my course of treatment. I learned that according to the medical studies completed the five year recurrence rate for women with this treatment was 2-5%. This treatment was suppose to be curative. Only 2-5 women out of every 100 treated had a recurrence. That wasn't suppose to be me. I was suppose to be cancer free. I was suppose to have my cancerversary! Well, I guess someone has to be the statistic and that is me.
Another thing I felt was lied to. Not only did the cancer return but it took my fertility with me. No longer could I have the promise of birthing another child. No longer would I be able to give my son that younger brother and sister he so desperately wanted. No longer could I give my husband a biological child. No longer could I do what I, according to the trachelectomy data, should have been statistically able to do.
Speaking of statistics, I continued my research into the statistics tonight. As I read through the statistics I almost wished I hadn't started researching. The prognosis for recurrent cervical cancer is not good. The prognosis for distant cervical cancer recurrence is even worse (such as the para aortic lymph node and abdominal lymph nodes I've had to have treated). The fact is, statistically this cancer will kill me.
Does this mean I give up? Stay in bed all day? Quit living my life? No! This means I need to find every day things to celebrate. I might not have a cancerversary to celebrate but I have my daily life to celebrate! I have my life to live. I can celebrate that I was able to get up a wife and mother today. I woke up, went to a job that I love, stayed after school to coach my robotics teams, and then went to dinner with my family and some of my best friends. I beat the odds when I had my recurrence (considering statistically I shouldn't have even had a recurrence). I think it is time to beat the odds on a positive note. It is time to beat this cancer, even if the statistics aren't on my side.
Here I am living life, join me!
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