Living Life
  • Blog: Living Life with Cervical Cancer
  • Living Life with Cancer
  • Erica's Story
  • Pictures
  • Media News

Breaking Point

10/3/2014

1 Comment

 
Picture
Today I had a breaking point, unfortunately that breaking point was at approximately 11:45 am.  I started out my day with my new fabulous doctor (see my previous blog).  However, there is some background, I have been sick this week.  I have had, what they determined, was a sinus infection.  The fun part about this sinus infection is I started with a 101.1 degree temperature Monday night, woke Tuesday to 103.2 and topped out at 104.4 (I just quit taking my temperature at this point).  JR was on an install far away and all my friends I could think to call to just stop and grab my meds were at work.  To be honest, I didn't really have the energy to call them anyway.  I would see an email, text, Facebook post, etc and just sit my phone back down.  I didn't even turn the tv on.  I spent Tuesday in a fog of sleep, drink a bottle of water, go to the bathroom and repeat.  I didn't even attempt to eat, my fever made that impossible.  My Tuesday night I started Amox-clav which has done wonders.  I still have a fever off and on Wednesday so I spent the day in bed.  I am much better at knowing if I just stay in bed and push fluids it will get better.

Thursday I was feeling much better.  I stayed in bed until around ten and decided to head to work for a while.  It didn't start out well.  I headed North when I work South (obviously I know this).  I passed the exit for where I was trying to go then the Taco Bell/Pizza Hut I had committed to for lunch because I wanted pizza was now just a Taco Bell.  It didn't end there, I went the wrong way and got stuck in the exit and couldn't enter the drive thru, so I just backed up.  I ordered and proceeded to work.  While Wylee was on recess I went to tell him that he was going with the YMCA after school, which he loves.  He cried because he wanted me to stay, in retrospect that is because he was sick but we didn't know that yet.  Work went well, I was able to work with a student and felt productive.  I attended the faculty meeting and was even able to check in on the tutoring program which is incorporating robotics.  How awesome!

Today, the breakdown, 11:45.  I'm driving Wylee from his doctor appointment and we pass the outdoor water park that is approximately 3 blocks from our house.  "Mommy, why didn't we go to that park this year", well buddy remember Mommy has cancer and had the tube and couldn't swim sounded like the lamest true excuse ever but I had to say that because, it is the truth.  Then as we are driving "Mommy, when you don't have cancer can we go on vacation?"  At this point I'm in tears, I'm not a cryer.  That is my rule we my friends, we don't cry about this.  It is hard to do with your five year old though.  I tell him "Of course we can go on vacation and we will celebrate when Mommy doesn't have cancer."  I called JR, I don't even know what about now as he was on his way to a funeral but he asked if I'm okay and for once I said "no, I'm not".  At that point there was nothing to be done though.  So I got Wylee and I lunch and headed home.

It was also a hard day because although I know cancer kills people, and I appreciate my doctor's complete honesty.  It was hard to hear "we need to kill the cancer before it kills you."

I have also had a hard day because my Papaw is sick, and isn't going to get better.  He was my first best friend.  I spent all my time with him.  We did simple things like going to mow for "the old ladies".  We would go to Kroger and I would get quarters for candy.  I remember sitting in the back room (which was a living room back then) trying to come up with new creative ways to say I wanted to watch channel 33 to "trick" him.  33, 3      3, Nick, Nickelodeon, like he didn't know that it was all the same channel.  I remember making green beans with potatoes.  Smoked sausage with awful sauerkraut I still don't eat.  I have fond memories of going with him out to Uncle Steve's house.  It hurts so much that I live far away from him in his time of need.  It hurts that my health prevents me from coming as often as I want.  It especially hurts that I wanted to go this weekend but now Wylee and I are both sick and I can't risk making him sick.

It hurts that I know I can't have anymore children, even though I didn't know for sure that I wanted more now that is taken from me.  Cancer has taken that from me.  It is hard to explain to a five year old why he isn't going to have a little brother or sister like he wanted.  We told him, wait until after the wedding.  Then the cancer came back.  Now he doesn't understand why there can't be a baby once the cancer is gone. 

It hurts that now that it is October everything is pink, I can only hope I can continue to make an impact and in January which is cervical cancer awareness month specifically someone will realize it.  Ironically as I am typing this there is a Kroger ad playing in support of breast cancer and using pink tags to signify donations to breast cancer.  I'm not saying breast cancer research and support isn't important; but, do you know what else is important?  Cervical cancer research and support.  Woman are dying of this cancer still.  Un-needed deaths.  People going undetected, not thinking it can happen to them, not knowing the symptoms.

Cancer hurts, sometimes it is overwhelming and it was just that type of day.  Tomorrow is a new beautiful day and will be treated that way.


Picture
1 Comment
mandy davis
10/4/2014 06:11:32 am

You hit the nail on the head for me...sometimes the moments that break us are when we see the effect all this on the people we love around us. I look at my Dad and my heart aches - he watched my Mum and my brother lose their lives to this disease, in other forms. I have to turn this around. Sending warmest wishes from the uk tonight xx

Reply



Leave a Reply.

    Author

    Erica is a 32 year old cervical cancer advocate who is out living cancer for the third time. When she isn’t advocating for cervical cancer and HPV awareness as a Cervivor Ambassador, she previously oversaw the STEM program at the school where she was an educator; she now helps coordinate the robotics program. Erica enjoys spending time with her husband and son in their Indianapolis neighborhood, as well as pursuing new and adventurous hobbies. She can most recently be found fawning over kayaks and daydreaming of returning to whitewater kayaking with First Descents, an organization for young adults impacted by cancer. 

    Picture
    Picture

    Archives

    March 2018
    February 2018
    January 2018
    December 2017
    October 2017
    September 2017
    August 2017
    July 2017
    June 2017
    May 2017
    April 2017
    March 2017
    February 2017
    January 2017
    December 2016
    November 2016
    October 2016
    September 2016
    August 2016
    July 2016
    June 2016
    May 2016
    April 2016
    March 2016
    February 2016
    January 2016
    December 2015
    November 2015
    October 2015
    September 2015
    August 2015
    July 2015
    June 2015
    May 2015
    April 2015
    November 2014
    October 2014
    September 2014
    August 2014
    July 2014

    Categories

    All
    Cervical Cancer
    Chemo
    Hospital
    Nephrostomy
    Photography
    Surgery

    RSS Feed

Powered by Create your own unique website with customizable templates.