I have been putting off posting this blog, as a matter of fact, I started this blog in July 2016.  I didn’t publish it for a few reasons.  Firstly, I didn’t have a name for it.  I wasn’t thrilled with Bucket List.  I thought of a name but decided against it because it wasn’t appropriate to be saying in front of my son…”I completed this and I’m marking it off of my _ _ _ _ list!”  When I finally settled on a name I realized it had been staring me in the face the entire time.  My blog is all about living life, so, I now have my Living Life List.
 
Another reason I didn’t share it is that I was scared.  I was scared of what others might think.  I was scared I might not complete it all.  Mostly, I was scared to think in any capacity about my future.  I have decided three things:  if people think negatively about this I don’t need them in my life, if I don’t complete it all that is okay, and finally I can’t let cancer prevent me from making future plans and/or goals.  So, here is my Living Life List!

• Publish a Book
• Help Pass a Cervical Cancer Law – Check!
• Be on Live TV – Check!
• Go on a FDX
• Have an Article Published in a Magazine – Check!
• Volunteer with FD1 – Wyoming in September – Here I come!
• Go Skydiving – I am terrified of heights but I like to push myself past my comfort zone.
• Drink Around the World @ Epcot – Check! Woohoo Mallory!
• Take my family to Universal – Now that I went to Universal I am hooked.  I want to take JR and Wylee!  I want Wylee to be able to be fitted for a wand and have the entire Harry Potter experience.
• Spend the Night at Lego Land in Florida – this is the number one thing that Wylee continues to ask to be able to do.
• Attend CancerCon – Check!
  
• Go on a Cruise – scheduled for Fall Break
• Travel Outside the US – scheduled for Fall Break
• Cliff Dive
• Kayak on Luminescent Waters
• Go Parasailing
• Ride in a Helicopter – Check!  Man, the view of the Vegas strip was amazing!
• Take a Cross Country Train
• Hunger Games Exhibit – Louisville
• Family Trip to DC
• NOLA
• Paddle a III / IV river in my kayak
• ND Football Game
• Spelunking
• Surfing – November with Camp Koru
• Snowboarding
• Bungee Jump off a Bridge
• Rock Climbing
• Visit a Volcano
• Spend a weekend in Nashville, Indiana with my family & Mom, Jerry, sisters, brother-in-laws, niece, and nephews.  I want to be able to take them horseback riding, to the indoor water park, and spend the night in a family cabin.
• Spend a weekend on vacation with my family and Pops, Iryna, and Artem.  Maybe a weekend in Chicago or on a fishing excursion on the great lakes.

 
A friend that I met through Facebook reached out to me and asked if I would be okay with her organizing a fundraiser for my family.  I told her absolutely but I wanted it to be clear that the money would be going to making memories and not to medical bills.  So, at the start of June she began the campaign to raise funds that my family can use for making memories.  She asked me what some things I would enjoy doing would be.  It was really hard to think of things I wanted to do but hadn’t done; I think I am not creative, or I don’t think big enough? So, I worked on a wish list of things I would want to do, things to add to my Living Life List.
If you are interested Sarah is extending her fundraiser through the end of July and has had some individuals partner up with her, the link will be in the comments.  There will also be a LulaRoe Fundraiser coming up soon which will have the proceeds donated.
 
I really ask one thing of you.  Each of you reading this, can you do me one thing?  Can you pick something off of your own personal list, whatever you call your list, and complete it by the end of 2017?  Let me know in the comments which item off of your own list that you will be completing!  I can’t wait to see all the amazing things you want to do!
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Last month we buried my grandmother, Mamaw.  In the recent past, we have had three generations of that side of my family in cancer treatment. Mamaw, my aunt, and myself.  Each of us had a different type of cancer and each of us had a different outcome.
 
When Mamaw was told that she had cancer it really wasn’t that long ago.  She was told that she could do chemo and extend her life some or opt not to do treatment.  She opted to do the chemo, as well as radiation, to help extend her life and reduce her pain.  When I heard that was the choice she made my immediate thought was “I wouldn’t do that, not at her age.  Chemo and radiation can be awful.”  I then realized I was really glad she hadn’t consulted me before choosing to complete treatment or not.  I am glad I wasn’t an influence on her choice.  I am glad it was her that was able to make the decision.
 
As she went through treatment we were able to “compare war stories,” so to speak.  We talked about how the treatment was impacting each of us and the things we knew we could be doing differently (more rest and always more water).  There were check ins here and there via phone, which I realize could have been more frequent.  There were holidays we might not have had if she hadn’t opted for treatment.  She had treatment to give her family the gift of time.  Mamaw was religious and in her heart believed she was going on to a better place.  A place where her husband was.  A place she would be in no more pain.  I truly believe her treatment was just to give the family time.
 
I was out of town in Florida when I received a phone call from my dad, Pops.  Pops told me that Mamaw had called everyone together, essentially to say goodbye.  I was still several days away from heading home and I didn’t think I would make it in time to see her one last time.  I will always remember our last conversation.  I was able to talk to her on the phone. We talked about our treatments, our side effects, and she wanted to know what I was going to do next for a treatment.  Even when she was at her end she was worried about how I was going to continue treating my cancer.  I told her I was sorry that I wouldn’t be home until the following week.  I was out celebrating life and marking a few things off my list along the way. 
 
The last thing we talked about was a message I will never forget.  It went like this:
 
Me:  Mamaw, I need you to rest now.  I hear you are surrounded by family but you need to rest and take care of yourself.  I know it is hard to rest, stubbornness runs in our blood.
 
Mamaw:  I will rest for us, you just get out and keep living for both of us.
 
So, that is what I intend to do.  Mamaw passed away the next day.  Upon my return home, I headed down for her funeral services and we buried my Mamaw.  I was honored to have this piece of her story shared in the service. 
 
I hope that everyone takes her advice and gets out living.